Obsession
by forsaken2003
Summary: Spike finds out something about Xander.


Title: Obession

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own none.

Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Spike finds out something about Xander.

Warnings/Spoilers: Post NFA

Beta'd by: Unbeta'd

Prompt #545 from tamingthemuse- Obession

Note: From now on most of my tamingthemuse stories will be named as the challenge.

When Spike first joined the remaining Scooby's in Scotland after the fall of Los Angeles he immediately knew something was different with Xander. Not just because he was no longer helping the good fight though that had surprised Spike as much as everyone else when they had first found out. Xander had told them that he was a liability now. If it hadn't been for Dawn he would have died with Anya back in Sunnydale. Of course they tried to convince him he could still help but he knew he'd just be in the way. When they finally accepted his decision Giles set him up with a disability plan so Xander could live comfortably without having to work for the rest of his life.

The second thing Spike noticed was that every time there was a big bad Xander would retreat. He wouldn't come to Slayer Central until the job was done. It wasn't until Spike was there for eight months that he decided to find out what was going on with Xander. They were friends now so obviously Xander would tell his friend... right? Spike had been wrong. When he got to Xander's apartment he found Xander watching Tim Burton's Batman movie. He was so engrossed in it that he ignored Spike. Every time Spike tried to talk during the movie Xander would hold up his hand instantly quieting him.

Spike got no answers that day or any day after that for the next four years. Not until after he got into a relationship with Xander and he didn't receive any answers on the weird behaviour months after they started to see each other. One night Xander finally told Spike without having to be asked. Spike had moved in a year ago. They were in bed snuggling.

"You're going to think I'm insane," Xander said softly.

"I like insane," Spike replied before kissing Xander's lips. "You know you can tell me anything. I love you."

Xander smiled though Spike could see he was nervous. "I love you too." He paused. "You know that I've always been into comic books, but after Sunnydale it's become an obsession with the movies. I know the others think I'd still be able to help them but I know I can't. I'm lucky I never cut a limb off when using a sword. I'm not blaming Giles but maybe if he had taken some time to train me as well I'd feel like I could still help even with one eye."

Spike nodded completely understanding where Xander was coming from. "What does that have to do with the movies?"

"With the movies I can watch them over and over again. I know exactly how everything will go. I know all the strategic moves and what they should have done so they would have won without any casualties. Not that it makes any difference. The movies never change; the characters still die but I know after watching that I could have changed it. I could do the same with what's happened to us but remembering the people we loss is too hard. I can't do it. It probably doesn't make any sense to you but it does in my head and watching the movies makes me feel better somehow." Xander was embarrassed. He'd clearly lost his mind back in Sunnydale. It was left in the crater with Anya and the slayers they lost.

"You're right it doesn't make sense to me," Spike said quietly. "But it does to you and it makes what you've gone through easier. Is it the healthiest thing you could do? No, but all I care about is that you have a safe outlet nothing that is hurting you or someone else."

Xander smiled. "You are amazing. I'm lucky to have you." He climbed on top of Spike placing kisses all over his face. "You won't tell the others will you?"

Spike grabbed Xander's face making him look him in the eyes. "I would never do that... not to you. It took you four years to work up the courage to tell me. If and when your ready you'll tell them. I feel honored that you told me."

"You're the love of my life," Xander said staring down at Spike. "And I want to be with you until you get sick of me."

"Then you'll be with me forever," Spike whispered and attacked Xander's mouth with his.

Forever had never sounded so wonderful to Xander.

The End


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